How Donald Trump Turned The Hardest Job In The World Into The Easiest And Most Profitable One

Suppose as one of the world’s greatest egomaniacs you were looking for a new fun thing with which to generate attention, I mean what could you possibly do that would be more fun than running for president of the United States of America? Am I right folks? And, hey, if you played your cards right, and, heaven forbid, you should actually win; you might make a few bucks — why not?

And so the Donald came down the Trump Tower escalator guns blazing with all the outrageous politically incorrect blather he could muster, and it seemed to work. Yah, it turns out that in just about every society roughly 40% of the rubes are some combination of covert or overt xenophobes. Who knew? Okay, maybe Trump’s buddy Steve Bannon knew, and whisper the fact in the Donald’s ear. Yet 40% ain’t a winning number. But, still, a really raw campaign spiel in that direction might gain enough attention to get one on the Republican debate stage with the big boys — lots and lots of notice getting possibilities there, oh, what fun.

Then, long behold, it turns out that when your dozen plus competitors on stage are a bunch of bores fighting over the same piece of pie — not your piece — and you are entertaining as hell, you win the nomination in a cakewalk. But then there was the formidable political machine of Hillary Clinton to contend with in the general election. Not likely to overcome that wall. No, not that awesome southern wall he kept crying for.

But contrary to his cocky bluster the fact that he might somehow win the grand prize never entered his incurious little mind. So he assured his frightened wife who dreaded the thought of having to be First Lady of the land that she has nothing to worry about. In fact Trump was so confident of losing a “rigged” election that he never even bothered to write an acceptance speech or seriously consider a transition team. Not needed, no way.

But you know elections are strange things, especially when a supper bizarre candidate is in the game. It turned out that in those rural places that the Electoral College favors bigly, folks in them there places didn’t cotton worth a lick to Hillary’s non-traditional female ways. Of course as we now know blundering Jim Comey, Russian social media games and a fair amount of voter suppression in key swing states didn’t help her either.

But however one adds up the mess, the Donald was stunned to find that the good old Electoral College had somehow chosen him to be the 45thpresident of the United States. Now of course it would be an understatement to say he was woefully unprepared for the job. His transition situation was a shambles of no account. He hadn’t the slightest idea of what it was that he was expected to do as president, or who in the world would ever want to help fill out his administration. His whole life’s routine would be turned inside out.

But, then on second thought, not to worry. As a life long gadfly used to faking it, how hard could it be playing president, just another reality TV gig — right? He might not be well versed in history or international relations, but he was a master manipulator of people. He knew that all you had to do was find out who feared what and you could have them eating out of your hand in no time, especially if you didn’t give a crap what happened, as long as it didn’t hurt your own bottom line.

I mean, presidents before him had suffered through long daily security briefings and spent huge amounts of time studying position papers on world leaders and events, struggling to keep American ahead of the curve and safe in a complex three dimensional game of international chess involving economic, military and delicate security maters of all sorts. Indeed, to actually to the job right aged men quickly.

Trump had heard about what a taxing post the presidency could be for those who gave a rat’s… But who needed all that hassle. He would do what he had always done — smoke and mirrors PR branding. You maneuver in ways that failure is always some one else's fault, in this case, Mexicans, the Chinese, Democrats or whatever, and then on the other end you made a big fuss about taking credit for anything folks saw as good — simple.

So instead of all that boring reading, all he had to know about politic and world events he discovered could be had relaxing before the TV watching Fox News between rounds of golf and his throwing of red meat to his adoring base at carefully staged rallies. Suddenly for Trump he had made the job of being president easy and fun, and profitable too (when pulling strings for a price.) It was everything he loved — making money, screwing critics and basking in the adoration of the masses — the right masses of course.