Okay, wait for it…wait for it — Trump: Are you kidding me? I never wanted to be president.

The following are excerpts from a future Christmas special interview of Donald J. Trump by Charlie Rose.

“Well, Mr. Trump have you gotten over your, shall we say, devastating loss.”

“Oh, please, Charlie, give me a break. I never wanted to be president. Are you kidding? Would anyone in their right mind who wanted to be president say the nasty, mean things I said. I mean, come on, to call a key group of the electorate rapists and murderers is nuts. Besides it’s a low paying job with no power except to lead the military. People just don’t realize how little power a president has. It astonishing.”

“Perhaps, but it worked for a time.”

“Sure it did, but I tell you the truth, Charlie, I was as flabbergasted as anyone that it did.”

“So you mean to tell me this wasn’t some cleverly thought out plan to capitalize on White resentment of illegals.”

“Of course I understood there was a significant pool of resentment toward those coming across the border illegally. Of course I was aware of that. But I sure as hell didn’t think I could build a massive movement out of it.”

“So if you never wanted to be president, why did you enter the race to begin with?”

“Look, me and some of my key advisors thought we could have a little fun and maybe get some free publicity if I said I was running for president. “

“So let me get this straight. You are saying it was all a big joke.”

“Well, sort of. Look things got out of hand, and I mean quickly, very, very quickly, Charlie. To tell you the truth I don’t understand how the Republican Party allowed me in the race in the first place. Have I ever sounded like a Republican? Did I ever promote their ideology? Hell no! Thing was, like me, they didn’t take my candidacy at all seriously. I suppose they wanted the extra ratings I would bring to the debates. And of course that backfired big time, really, really big time.”

“Why do you suppose that was?”

“Did you see that army of stiffs on stage? Compared to them I was a breath of fresh air.”

“But these were some of the most polished and successful politicians in America.”

“You said it, Charlie, politicians. Who the hell likes politicians?”

“Well, hold on a minute there, Mr. Trump”

“Please call me Donald.”

“ Alright, Donald, but you were overwhelmed by a politician in the general.”

“Yes, but that was only because I deliberately made every stupid move in the book to try and lose and eventually it worked. Take for example my great wall thing. What sane person would want to build wall over a thousand miles long, a thousand miles long, costing billions of dollars. Really, don’t even halfway-educated folks realize that tens of thousands of Mexicans fly, drive, and walk legally into this country for vacationing, visiting and shopping everyday? Who’s to say they haven’t decided to stay? How’s a wall to stop that?” And what moron thinks that Mexico is going to pay for such a monstrosity? Really, Charlie, I tried.”

“Okay then, Donald, why didn’t you just drop out of the race.”

“As I said, Charlie, things happened very, very fast. Obviously the Republican base hated the leadership far more than we realized. And before we realized it we had a huge, huge lead. I was trapped. To quite would make me look like a loser. As you know, I’m not a quitter — never ever been a quitter.”

“So why did you belittle the Republican governor of New Mexico and the highly respected judge of your Trump University suit?”

“First off just let me say that at the time I was getting desperate. Everything I tried drove up my poll numbers. I was desperate, desperate. It was like there was nothing I could say short of praising Obama — which by the way I actually did on a few occasions, yes I did — that could kill my momentum with the Republican base.”

“Why do you think that was? Why was the base so enamored of you?”

“Come on, Charlie, really, are you going to make me say it. Okay, I’ll say it then. They are dumb, bigoted rubes. It’s like all the nation’s nitwits ended up as Republicans. There are you happy? Now I’m really toast.”

“But a very rich piece of toast, wouldn’t you say?”

“Look, Charlie, I’ll be very, very honest with you. What started out as a lark has turned into a hideous disaster for me, a real pile of crap. The business world — never all that in love with me in the first place — has completely turned its back on me. My brand is mud. Losing the presidency has terribly stained a lifetime of perfecting my brand. Now it’s all in the dumpster.”

“What are you trying to say, Donald? Do you want people to feel sorry for you?”

“What a joke. Feel sorry for me, really? I’m a down in the trenches New Yorker. Win, lose or draw, no matter what, we just keep grinding out of habit. Will I ever recover to where I was before this ill-fated run for the presidency, who knows? I’m a survivor, so I guess I might. Who knows? Who knows?”

“Well, thank you very much, Mr. Trump, I mean, Donald. It has been fascinating, and good luck. “

“Thank you, Charlie.”

Jim Ridgway, Jr. military writer — author of the American Civil War classic, “Apprentice Killers: The War of Lincoln and Davis.” Christmas gift, yes!

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