President Trump Plows Ahead Full Bore With Buggy Whip And Horseshoe Production

In a rush to capitalize on the momentum of his turning back the clock on combating climate change, President Trump has assured his troglodyte supporters that he will see to it that the production of buggy whips and horseshoes will be drastically increased. Moreover he has ordered that White House clocks are to be hacked so as to literally run backward at warped speed. This will, according to the president, return America to a simpler time when it didn’t require a college degree to understand life and the world, a time when simply reading the good book before bedtime was all one needed for great insight.

Trump has cleared this with his new chief of staff Franklin Graham, the wayward son of the late Reverend Billy Graham. As de facto evangelical leader, Mr. Graham has convinced the president that his true believer followers will raise their hands to the heavens in thanks for these presidential directives.

Moreover Trump is consulting with the Navy about converting one of its older aircraft carriers for transporting two of every know species in case God gets pissed again and decides to turn on the world sprinkler system. In fact President Trump says God has been consulting with him nightly via a spooky voice rolling out of the Lincoln bedroom ceiling. Meanwhile men in white coats armed with butterfly nets have been seen entering the White House grounds as secret service personnel drive off into the sunset.

Jim Ridgway, Jr. military writer — author of the American Civil War classic, “Apprentice Killers: The War of Lincoln and Davis.” Christmas gift, yes!

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