Six Minutes We Really Don’t Want Trump To Be Commander In Chief

“There’s an urgent message from the Pentagon, Mr. President.”

“What the hell can be so urgent as to wake me at…what time is it.

“Three 3:20 Mr. President”

“ Look, Sir, NORD says there are strong indications that we are under nuclear attack. The Russians have launched. You have only six minutes to decide what to do before impact”

“What is this some kind of joke, Cory? I was only kidding when I told Putin that if he didn’t get his sorry butt out of Syria I was going to blast his commie ass to kingdom come. By the way, how does that translate?”

“Translate? Sir, 5: 15 left.”

“Okay, oaky get that football thing opened up. Now where’s the muffin card?”

“You mean the biscuit.”

“Yah, Yah, the thing that tells me what my target options are.”

“For Christ sake, Donald, I mean, Mr. President, it’s supposed to be on you at all time.”

“Oh, please, Cory, I figured you would know to keep track of such stuff.

“Me! 4: 45 left. Check you suit jacket.”

“Look, Cory, I haven’t seen that fuck card thing since the day I was sworn in. Patch me into NORAD.”

They run down the hall into the room with the special green phone, the officer with the football containing the launch codes hard on their heels.

“This is the president. What’s up?”

“All our monitors are flashing red attack. But we are running our emergency hacker check.”

“So how long will that take? Never mind. Let the motherfuckers go. That goddamn Putin is trying to wax me … just fire them off.”

“What are the targets?”

“I don’t know…all of them?”

“ You do know you have to activate the launch codes before that can happen?”

“Sure I do, you moron!”

“ Two minutes until we are impacted, Mr. President, said a sweat drenched Cory”

“Please, Sir,” the general at NORAD pleaded, “just 25 seconds more until we get hacker verification.”

“No, dam it. If I go that double crossing, shitting Putin’s going too. Launch!”

Thirty seconds later just as word came back that it was a hacker induced false alarm, thousands of nuclear tipped missiles started roaring out of their silos and from submarines beneath the sea.

Sixteen minutes later Russia silos became active and within forty minutes the earth was a blazing inferno. Three billion humans died in the first twenty-four hours.

And then within six months, the sky having been filled with dust blocking out the sun in a nuclear winter, the balance of humanity was no more. VOTE for sloppy Trump, really!

Jim Ridgway, Jr. military writer — author of the American Civil War classic, “Apprentice Killers: The War of Lincoln and Davis.” Christmas gift, yes!

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